1
00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:08,834
♪♪

2
00:00:08,921 --> 00:00:11,185
[man singing in Spanish]

3
00:00:17,626 --> 00:00:20,542
[woman singing in Spanish]

4
00:00:20,629 --> 00:00:24,024
♪♪

5
00:00:25,895 --> 00:00:29,899
♪♪

6
00:01:07,328 --> 00:01:09,634
♪ Four and three
and two and one ♪

7
00:01:09,721 --> 00:01:13,725
♪♪

8
00:01:17,164 --> 00:01:20,558
[woman singing on radio][knocking]

9
00:01:23,561 --> 00:01:24,867
Jeremy!

10
00:01:24,954 --> 00:01:26,738
Hi.Hi.

11
00:01:26,825 --> 00:01:29,045
Uh, I was just gonna see
what you're up to today,

12
00:01:29,132 --> 00:01:30,699
but you're obviously
going to work, so.

13
00:01:30,786 --> 00:01:33,093
This is a joke shirt.

14
00:01:33,180 --> 00:01:35,704
'Cause I'm a trainer.Oh.

15
00:01:35,791 --> 00:01:40,796
Yeah, I sometimes train, um,
VIP clients at night.

16
00:01:40,883 --> 00:01:42,885
Like Shania... Twain.

17
00:01:42,972 --> 00:01:44,365
Wow.

18
00:01:44,452 --> 00:01:46,802
And then I come
back here during the day

19
00:01:46,889 --> 00:01:49,413
and I'm just free to do
whatever happens.

20
00:01:49,500 --> 00:01:51,633
You know...Well, I know we don't know
each other that well,

21
00:01:51,720 --> 00:01:54,201
but I'm heading upstate today
to pick up some

22
00:01:54,288 --> 00:01:56,290
salvaged beams
from an abandoned barn...Oh.

23
00:01:56,377 --> 00:01:59,597
And I was just wondering
if you...

24
00:01:59,684 --> 00:02:01,208
could sign for a package
for me that I'm expecting.

25
00:02:01,295 --> 00:02:02,513
Oh.

26
00:02:02,600 --> 00:02:03,862
I mean, only if you're
going to be home anyway.

27
00:02:03,949 --> 00:02:06,213
Totally, totally.Amazing, okay.

28
00:02:06,300 --> 00:02:07,866
I'll leave
a note on my door

29
00:02:07,953 --> 00:02:09,041
and tell them to
drop it off here.

30
00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:10,347
The window's between
10:00 and 4:00.

31
00:02:10,434 --> 00:02:12,741
Okay.I really appreciate it.

32
00:02:12,828 --> 00:02:15,004
Yeah.I owe you one.

33
00:02:15,091 --> 00:02:17,572
Okay, I love you too.

34
00:02:17,659 --> 00:02:19,400
I'm sorry, did you
just say something?

35
00:02:19,487 --> 00:02:21,793
No, I think that you said--
you said something to me.

36
00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:24,187
Yeah, I said, "Can you sign
for a package for me

37
00:02:24,274 --> 00:02:25,493
that I'm expecting,"
and then you said...

38
00:02:25,580 --> 00:02:28,452
And then I didn't--
I don't think I said anything.

39
00:02:28,539 --> 00:02:30,367
You're hearing things, man.I might be.

40
00:02:30,454 --> 00:02:32,674
You better get those beams.

41
00:02:32,761 --> 00:02:35,198
You can sign for the
package, though, right?I can totally do that.

42
00:02:35,285 --> 00:02:37,940
Okay.Great signature.

43
00:02:38,027 --> 00:02:39,594
All right, love you too.

44
00:02:39,681 --> 00:02:41,161
Oh, my God.

45
00:02:42,466 --> 00:02:46,557
[snoring loudly]

46
00:02:46,644 --> 00:02:48,559
Ilana?

47
00:02:48,646 --> 00:02:51,432
Hey, Ilana.

48
00:02:51,519 --> 00:02:52,868
What?

49
00:02:52,955 --> 00:02:54,348
What time is it?

50
00:02:54,435 --> 00:02:56,263
Were you just sleeping
with your eyes open?

51
00:02:56,350 --> 00:02:57,568
No.

52
00:02:57,655 --> 00:02:59,483
Of course not.

53
00:02:59,570 --> 00:03:03,487
Um, that would take, like,
super long to perfect.

54
00:03:03,574 --> 00:03:04,967
Computer's not on.

55
00:03:05,054 --> 00:03:06,403
It's just idle, I think.[computer starting up]

56
00:03:06,490 --> 00:03:08,100
It's not on.

57
00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:15,499
Look, I need you to read and
sign the employee manual.

58
00:03:15,586 --> 00:03:17,632
Details a lot of
the workplace policies.

59
00:03:17,719 --> 00:03:22,202
One of them is, um,
proper workplace attire.

60
00:03:22,289 --> 00:03:23,203
Oh, okay.

61
00:03:23,290 --> 00:03:25,553
Well, I can just
cover this.

62
00:03:25,640 --> 00:03:27,598
Oops.

63
00:03:27,685 --> 00:03:28,817
Oop.

64
00:03:28,904 --> 00:03:31,907
"Sophie's Choice."

65
00:03:31,994 --> 00:03:33,474
[high-pitched voice]
Hey.

66
00:03:33,561 --> 00:03:35,432
It also details our sexual
harassment policies.

67
00:03:35,519 --> 00:03:37,652
Got it, got it, got it,
got it, got it.

68
00:03:37,739 --> 00:03:38,914
Cool.

69
00:03:39,001 --> 00:03:41,699
Um, well, I will get
right on that, sire.

70
00:03:41,786 --> 00:03:44,702
But first, I'm going to take my
top-o'-the-morning-dump-to-you.

71
00:03:44,789 --> 00:03:48,445
So um, I'll see you
in a couple--Couple hours.

72
00:03:48,532 --> 00:03:50,665
Yeah, you know, it started
as a sore throat,

73
00:03:50,752 --> 00:03:53,189
but I'm feeling
really feverish now.

74
00:03:53,276 --> 00:03:55,626
It's escalating quickly.

75
00:03:55,713 --> 00:03:58,107
A clump of my hair
just fell out actually.

76
00:03:58,194 --> 00:03:59,413
Somebody had an accident
in the steam room

77
00:03:59,500 --> 00:04:01,458
and I kind of want
you to handle that.

78
00:04:01,545 --> 00:04:02,894
It's getting worse
as we're talking.

79
00:04:02,981 --> 00:04:04,505
All right,
let's wheelbarrow, come on.

80
00:04:04,592 --> 00:04:06,637
I really think
I should stay home.

81
00:04:06,724 --> 00:04:08,726
Fine, take the day off, but
this is what I want you to do.

82
00:04:08,813 --> 00:04:11,816
Run a quick 5K, sweat it out,
then take an eight-minute nap.

83
00:04:11,903 --> 00:04:13,644
Wake up,
do a shot of Echinacea,

84
00:04:13,731 --> 00:04:15,559
and then jump right
into an ice bath.

85
00:04:15,646 --> 00:04:18,127
Immediately after that,
suck on some ice chips,

86
00:04:18,214 --> 00:04:21,043
then urinate as
hard and as fast as you can.

87
00:04:21,130 --> 00:04:23,524
Then eat a full onion, rub that
onion underneath your armpits,

88
00:04:23,611 --> 00:04:26,091
any kind of gland, any kind
of mucal cavity, okay?

89
00:04:26,178 --> 00:04:28,050
It's called
cellular confusion.

90
00:04:28,137 --> 00:04:30,313
All right, back on
that bench, let's go!

91
00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:32,097
I'll give that a try
if I can muscle it.

92
00:04:32,184 --> 00:04:33,925
And then you just gotta veg.

93
00:04:34,012 --> 00:04:35,797
They just put all of
"Smallville" on Netflix.

94
00:04:35,884 --> 00:04:37,538
But Abbi, promise me you'll
watch from the beginning, okay?

95
00:04:37,625 --> 00:04:38,930
It really builds.

96
00:04:39,017 --> 00:04:41,629
Thanks, Trey.No problem, Bob,
feel better.

97
00:04:41,716 --> 00:04:43,892
All right, you want your ass
tight for reunion or what?

98
00:04:43,979 --> 00:04:45,459
Finish strong.

99
00:04:45,546 --> 00:04:47,069
Nice work, Gloria.

100
00:04:47,156 --> 00:04:48,897
All right,
hit the showers.

101
00:04:48,984 --> 00:04:51,987
Okay.

102
00:04:52,074 --> 00:04:54,076
Join me in the showers.

103
00:04:54,163 --> 00:04:57,558
I'm not on my period.

104
00:04:57,645 --> 00:05:01,953
[snoring][cell phone vibrating]

105
00:05:02,040 --> 00:05:03,825
Hello?Ilana Wexler?

106
00:05:03,912 --> 00:05:05,479
Maybe...
Who is this?

107
00:05:05,566 --> 00:05:07,785
It's Linda Lodi, from the
Linda Lodi Temp Agency.

108
00:05:07,872 --> 00:05:10,353
Listen, um, I know we haven't
called you in since that whole

109
00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:12,660
Popsicle incident.I totally forgot about that.

110
00:05:12,747 --> 00:05:14,836
Would you be available for some
temp work this afternoon?

111
00:05:14,923 --> 00:05:17,447
Uh...

112
00:05:17,534 --> 00:05:19,014
yeah, I'm available.

113
00:05:19,101 --> 00:05:20,798
Great, just come over
as soon as you can.

114
00:05:20,885 --> 00:05:26,238
♪♪

115
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:27,457
Ilana, listen, this delivery
window starts in like,

116
00:05:27,544 --> 00:05:29,198
20 minutes,
I really gotta go.

117
00:05:29,285 --> 00:05:29,938
[Ilana]
Okay, one last thing.

118
00:05:30,025 --> 00:05:31,809
Dude, this is huge.

119
00:05:31,896 --> 00:05:33,333
Not that big of a deal.

120
00:05:33,420 --> 00:05:35,160
Once you get this package,
he's going to think of you

121
00:05:35,247 --> 00:05:37,467
as someone he can trust.With his mail.

122
00:05:37,554 --> 00:05:38,729
Next thing you know, you're
pregnant with his sperm

123
00:05:38,816 --> 00:05:41,732
and he's sanding down
your headboard shirtless.

124
00:05:41,819 --> 00:05:43,517
I mean, I don't know if I'd
get pregnant like, right away.

125
00:05:43,604 --> 00:05:45,432
I've heard from like, lots of
women that the sex gets bad

126
00:05:45,519 --> 00:05:47,434
after you have kids.Totally.

127
00:05:47,521 --> 00:05:49,349
We haven't even
had sex once,

128
00:05:49,436 --> 00:05:50,611
but I just want to, like,
make sure we do it enough

129
00:05:50,698 --> 00:05:55,703
before I would have
a kid, you know?

130
00:05:55,790 --> 00:05:58,227
Even if it didn't happen
exactly like that, like,

131
00:05:58,314 --> 00:05:59,881
I think this was
a huge step for us for real,

132
00:05:59,968 --> 00:06:01,926
because he said
he owes me one.

133
00:06:02,013 --> 00:06:04,146
Owes you one?

134
00:06:04,233 --> 00:06:06,017
His dick, dude!

135
00:06:06,104 --> 00:06:07,149
You think so?

136
00:06:07,236 --> 00:06:09,194
Oh, he's gonna thank you.

137
00:06:09,281 --> 00:06:11,327
So wear that candy thong
I got you from Spencer's.

138
00:06:11,414 --> 00:06:13,373
You ate it like, as soon as
you gave it to me.

139
00:06:13,460 --> 00:06:15,113
Listen, I really gotta go.I gotta let you go, sweetie.

140
00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:20,467
I'm about to start
at this temp job-- Bye bye.

141
00:06:20,554 --> 00:06:22,860
Sorry, I had to take that.

142
00:06:22,947 --> 00:06:25,210
You made that call in the
middle of our conversation.

143
00:06:25,297 --> 00:06:26,908
Did I?

144
00:06:26,995 --> 00:06:28,736
I'm really scraping the bottom
of the barrel here.

145
00:06:28,823 --> 00:06:31,086
Look, my whole staff
is out with food poisoning.

146
00:06:31,173 --> 00:06:33,262
I took them to lunch, that sushi
place underneath Penn Station.

147
00:06:33,349 --> 00:06:34,742
Oh, I love that place.

148
00:06:34,829 --> 00:06:36,613
Yeah, it's
usually good, right?

149
00:06:36,700 --> 00:06:38,441
Anyway, look, when a call comes
in, just check the database,

150
00:06:38,528 --> 00:06:40,182
send out the first person
available,

151
00:06:40,269 --> 00:06:41,226
and that's pretty much it.

152
00:06:41,313 --> 00:06:42,489
Got it?Yeah.

153
00:06:42,576 --> 00:06:43,751
Okay, I'm going to
leave you on your own.

154
00:06:43,838 --> 00:06:45,100
I gotta go get
my hair fixed.

155
00:06:45,187 --> 00:06:47,058
Yeah,
what happened there?

156
00:06:47,145 --> 00:06:48,277
I tried this new stylist.

157
00:06:48,364 --> 00:06:49,583
I said,
"Do whatever you want."

158
00:06:49,670 --> 00:06:52,063
I am way too trusting
of strangers.

159
00:06:52,150 --> 00:06:53,891
Anyway, here's the keys.

160
00:06:53,978 --> 00:06:55,110
I'll catch you later,
okay?

161
00:06:55,197 --> 00:06:56,894
Good luck.Bye.

162
00:07:05,947 --> 00:07:07,949
[high-pitched noise]

163
00:07:08,036 --> 00:07:09,211
Are you okay?

164
00:07:09,298 --> 00:07:13,433
[high-pitched ringing]

165
00:07:18,699 --> 00:07:21,876
No, man, athlete's foot
is a forever thing.

166
00:07:21,963 --> 00:07:24,400
Hey, Bevers, you hear
the door knock earlier?

167
00:07:24,487 --> 00:07:26,446
Mm-hmm.Why didn't you answer it?

168
00:07:26,533 --> 00:07:27,664
I know you don't like me
to answer the door

169
00:07:27,751 --> 00:07:30,406
because I don't
technically live here.

170
00:07:30,493 --> 00:07:32,103
Yeah, you don't
technically live here,

171
00:07:32,190 --> 00:07:34,584
but when I'm not home,
feel free to answer the door.

172
00:07:34,671 --> 00:07:36,064
It could be something
important.

173
00:07:36,151 --> 00:07:37,718
Okay, now we've
worked that out.

174
00:07:37,805 --> 00:07:39,023
Yeah, great.

175
00:07:39,110 --> 00:07:40,895
Hi, thanks for holding.
So your package is

176
00:07:40,982 --> 00:07:42,636
still on the truck,
but you can pick it up

177
00:07:42,723 --> 00:07:44,551
from the distribution center
after 4:30.

178
00:07:44,638 --> 00:07:46,291
[Abbi]
I'm just confused.

179
00:07:46,378 --> 00:07:50,470
Why was the package delivered at
9:49 when the delivery window

180
00:07:50,557 --> 00:07:52,210
was supposed to
start at 10:00?

181
00:07:52,297 --> 00:07:53,951
It's a flexible window.

182
00:07:54,038 --> 00:07:55,257
Windows are
never flexible.

183
00:07:55,344 --> 00:07:56,911
That's not how they work.Sorry.

184
00:07:56,998 --> 00:07:59,391
Your borough's
distribution center is on

185
00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:01,655
North Brother Island.Is that in New York?

186
00:08:01,742 --> 00:08:02,873
I've never even
heard of that.

187
00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:04,222
Yes, in the East River.

188
00:08:04,309 --> 00:08:06,573
Take the 6 train
to the last stop

189
00:08:06,660 --> 00:08:08,879
and transfer to the M83 bus
to the water taxi.

190
00:08:08,966 --> 00:08:11,316
Boom, you're there.Thank you, I guess?

191
00:08:11,403 --> 00:08:12,579
You'll never
get off the island.

192
00:08:12,666 --> 00:08:14,363
What did you just say?I'm sorry.

193
00:08:14,450 --> 00:08:15,930
I'm watching
"Shutter Island."

194
00:08:16,017 --> 00:08:18,498
Good luck.

195
00:08:23,241 --> 00:08:25,722
[phone ringing]

196
00:08:30,205 --> 00:08:33,556
[ringing continues]

197
00:08:33,643 --> 00:08:35,166
What up?

198
00:08:35,253 --> 00:08:36,254
[man]
Is this Linda?

199
00:08:36,341 --> 00:08:37,865
No, I'm just a temp.

200
00:08:37,952 --> 00:08:40,955
You're a temp
at a temp agency?

201
00:08:41,042 --> 00:08:42,696
Touche.

202
00:08:42,783 --> 00:08:44,219
What up? This is Wet Nose Walkers.

203
00:08:44,306 --> 00:08:46,743
We need a temp to cover one
of our dog walker routes.

204
00:08:46,830 --> 00:08:49,572
Absolutely, sir,
that's what we do best.

205
00:08:49,659 --> 00:08:52,096
Um...

206
00:08:52,183 --> 00:08:54,142
What's the address?

207
00:08:54,229 --> 00:08:57,928
♪♪

208
00:08:58,015 --> 00:09:00,496
Yeah!

209
00:09:00,583 --> 00:09:03,455
I'm making bank, bitch!

210
00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:06,284
Oh, my God.
You are insane.

211
00:09:06,371 --> 00:09:09,331
Ab, I'm becoming a mogul a la
Jay-Z, a la Martha Stewart,

212
00:09:09,418 --> 00:09:10,985
a la Bethenny Frankel.

213
00:09:11,072 --> 00:09:12,377
From "Housewives"?Yeah.

214
00:09:12,464 --> 00:09:13,683
Next thing you know, I'm
backstage at Barclays

215
00:09:13,770 --> 00:09:15,337
with RiRi and Bebe--Who?

216
00:09:15,424 --> 00:09:16,860
Rihanna and Beyonce.

217
00:09:16,947 --> 00:09:18,906
And we're just laughing
and sipping on champagne

218
00:09:18,993 --> 00:09:20,734
with like, candlelight.'Cause that happens
all the time.

219
00:09:20,821 --> 00:09:23,475
RiRi leans in for a kiss
and then she--

220
00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:25,695
Goes down on you.Yeah.

221
00:09:25,782 --> 00:09:27,741
Yeah, you-- you say
that story a lot.

222
00:09:27,828 --> 00:09:29,003
Oh... cool.

223
00:09:29,090 --> 00:09:31,571
Oh, my God!

224
00:09:31,658 --> 00:09:33,964
I didn't know you had
plans with Lincoln.We don't have plans.

225
00:09:34,051 --> 00:09:35,923
We're just going to have sex at
one of these dogs' apartments.

226
00:09:36,010 --> 00:09:37,098
Super classy.

227
00:09:37,185 --> 00:09:38,795
I'd do it.

228
00:09:38,882 --> 00:09:40,362
I'd pick up your poop,
you're worth it.

229
00:09:40,449 --> 00:09:41,885
So I know why I missed
the window.

230
00:09:41,972 --> 00:09:43,757
I jinxed myself.Why, what do you mean?

231
00:09:43,844 --> 00:09:45,149
'Cause I bought
too many condoms.

232
00:09:45,236 --> 00:09:46,324
It's the story
of my life,

233
00:09:46,411 --> 00:09:47,761
so just gonna
deal with it.

234
00:09:47,848 --> 00:09:48,805
But I won't
make out with you.

235
00:09:48,892 --> 00:09:50,851
That's what white people do,
that dog thing.

236
00:09:50,938 --> 00:09:52,069
Black people don't
make out with dogs.

237
00:09:52,156 --> 00:09:53,984
So what do you think is in
Jeremy's package?

238
00:09:54,071 --> 00:09:55,159
Oh, look at you.

239
00:09:55,246 --> 00:09:56,508
You're standoffish, huh?

240
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:58,510
I've narrowed it down
to a bunch of things.

241
00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:00,034
I made a little list here.

242
00:10:00,121 --> 00:10:02,427
Okay, so I think it's either,
um, clues to a mystery

243
00:10:02,514 --> 00:10:04,386
that he's gonna solve,

244
00:10:04,473 --> 00:10:06,518
a manly handcrafted axe,

245
00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:08,782
or a really great belt.

246
00:10:08,869 --> 00:10:10,871
Nah, dude,
it's a Fleshlight.

247
00:10:10,958 --> 00:10:12,524
Ilana, why do you have to
ruin him for me?

248
00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:13,351
It's not a Fleshlight.[text alert]

249
00:10:13,438 --> 00:10:15,658
It's healthy.

250
00:10:15,745 --> 00:10:17,181
I gotta head back
to the office.

251
00:10:17,268 --> 00:10:19,662
One of these dumb kids broke
his jaw on a Jawbreaker.

252
00:10:19,749 --> 00:10:21,142
Why would you even do that?

253
00:10:21,229 --> 00:10:23,274
It does exactly what
it says it's gonna do.

254
00:10:23,361 --> 00:10:25,537
Lincoln, you gave all these dogs
all your love and now you're

255
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:27,148
leaving me like,
tight and dry.

256
00:10:27,235 --> 00:10:28,845
I'll kick it
with you later.Okay, cool.

257
00:10:28,932 --> 00:10:30,020
See you later,
General Tso.

258
00:10:30,107 --> 00:10:31,500
Is that his name?

259
00:10:31,587 --> 00:10:32,806
Yeah, I name them based on
their personalities.

260
00:10:32,893 --> 00:10:35,809
There's General Tso,
there's Dumbface.

261
00:10:35,896 --> 00:10:37,680
That's Ballsack,

262
00:10:37,767 --> 00:10:40,640
and that is star
of "Ugly Betty"

263
00:10:40,727 --> 00:10:42,511
and "Who's the Boss?"

264
00:10:42,598 --> 00:10:46,254
The wonderful,
the esteemed...

265
00:10:46,341 --> 00:10:47,559
Judith Light!

266
00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:49,649
[Abbi]
Oh, my God.

267
00:10:49,736 --> 00:10:50,824
She is!

268
00:10:50,911 --> 00:10:53,000
That's so Judith!That is dead on!

269
00:10:53,087 --> 00:10:53,870
All right,
I'll see y'all later.

270
00:10:53,957 --> 00:10:55,872
All right, peace.Later, Judith.

271
00:10:55,959 --> 00:10:57,700
Judith, now that I know that
you are Judith Light,

272
00:10:57,787 --> 00:10:59,702
I can't let you back
in that tiny-ass apartment.

273
00:10:59,789 --> 00:11:01,051
We'll drop
these bitches off

274
00:11:01,138 --> 00:11:02,444
and you're chilling
with me all day.

275
00:11:02,531 --> 00:11:03,663
[whimpering]

276
00:11:08,624 --> 00:11:10,234
[beeping]

277
00:11:10,321 --> 00:11:12,280
[woman on PA]
Last stop in Manhattan.

278
00:11:12,367 --> 00:11:14,064
The train will now be going
express to 37th Street.

279
00:11:14,151 --> 00:11:16,240
Sorry.

280
00:11:16,327 --> 00:11:17,372
Oh.

281
00:11:17,459 --> 00:11:20,549
All right.

282
00:11:22,638 --> 00:11:24,727
[beeping]

283
00:11:28,209 --> 00:11:33,301
♪♪

284
00:11:33,388 --> 00:11:36,826
♪♪

285
00:11:44,051 --> 00:11:46,836
♪♪

286
00:11:50,927 --> 00:11:55,932
♪♪

287
00:12:00,110 --> 00:12:02,939
♪♪

288
00:12:08,292 --> 00:12:10,425
♪♪

289
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:20,261
Uh, hello...

290
00:12:20,348 --> 00:12:21,871
Garol.

291
00:12:21,958 --> 00:12:23,699
I'm not sure if I'm in
the right place--

292
00:12:23,786 --> 00:12:26,746
You are.Okay.

293
00:12:26,833 --> 00:12:29,009
I'll just hand that--
All right.

294
00:12:33,100 --> 00:12:34,362
Oh, Jesus.

295
00:12:34,449 --> 00:12:35,406
Thank you so much.

296
00:12:35,493 --> 00:12:38,018
It took me so long--ID.

297
00:12:38,105 --> 00:12:39,497
Jeremy Santos.

298
00:12:39,584 --> 00:12:42,805
No, I'm not a man.

299
00:12:42,892 --> 00:12:47,897
Jeremy's actually my--
he's my husband, so...

300
00:12:47,984 --> 00:12:50,073
We both work so much.
You know how it is.

301
00:12:50,160 --> 00:12:52,206
But when we're home,
we're home and we--

302
00:12:52,293 --> 00:12:56,384
I need his ID or he can
come down here

303
00:12:56,471 --> 00:13:00,083
with two pieces of
mail with his name on it.

304
00:13:00,170 --> 00:13:04,566
Gar... ol, you seem like,
so great.

305
00:13:04,653 --> 00:13:07,177
I can just tell
from this interaction.

306
00:13:07,264 --> 00:13:09,527
Can you just like, look
the other way this time?

307
00:13:09,614 --> 00:13:11,616
I'm sorry, I can't.

308
00:13:11,703 --> 00:13:14,402
My supervisor's watching.

309
00:13:18,275 --> 00:13:21,148
I'm sorry, I will have
someone there right away.[phone ringing]

310
00:13:21,235 --> 00:13:22,714
Linda Lodi Temp Agency,
please hold.

311
00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:24,891
Hey.Where have you been?

312
00:13:24,978 --> 00:13:26,893
I've got no temps sent out,
I've got the phone ringing

313
00:13:26,980 --> 00:13:28,503
off the hook, I'm getting
threatening e-mails.

314
00:13:28,590 --> 00:13:31,985
My scalp is burning.

315
00:13:32,072 --> 00:13:32,899
What are you doing?

316
00:13:32,986 --> 00:13:33,987
Have you been
eating those?

317
00:13:34,074 --> 00:13:35,510
Yeah.How many have you had?

318
00:13:35,597 --> 00:13:37,338
30 or like, 100.

319
00:13:37,425 --> 00:13:39,906
30 or 100?

320
00:13:39,993 --> 00:13:42,691
These are for a guess-
how-many contest!

321
00:13:42,778 --> 00:13:44,258
Well, you should
label every side.

322
00:13:44,345 --> 00:13:46,173
Well, now I have to count
the whole thing over again.

323
00:13:46,260 --> 00:13:47,261
[Linda]
I don't believe this.

324
00:13:47,348 --> 00:13:48,610
You don't even know
how many you had?

325
00:13:48,697 --> 00:13:51,700
Jesus, what a day.

326
00:13:51,787 --> 00:13:53,920
One, two, three,
four, five.

327
00:13:54,007 --> 00:13:55,617
Ten.Six, seven,
eight, nine, 10.

328
00:13:55,704 --> 00:13:59,142
15... five, six, seven,
eight, nine...17, 18...

329
00:13:59,229 --> 00:14:00,187
You're messing me up.

330
00:14:00,274 --> 00:14:02,450
Now I have to
start over.

331
00:14:02,537 --> 00:14:05,453
One, two, three,
four, five.

332
00:14:05,540 --> 00:14:07,803
Oh, my God,
I killed her!

333
00:14:07,890 --> 00:14:12,939
Judith Light!... 59, 60.

334
00:14:16,681 --> 00:14:18,205
[cell phone ringing]

335
00:14:18,292 --> 00:14:20,120
[Bevers]
Hello? Bevers.

336
00:14:20,207 --> 00:14:22,470
I need you to steal two pieces
of Jeremy's mail from like,

337
00:14:22,557 --> 00:14:24,646
the front hall and bring them
to North Brother Island

338
00:14:24,733 --> 00:14:26,604
like, immediately, okay?

339
00:14:26,691 --> 00:14:28,171
And then you're going to
have to pretend to be him.

340
00:14:28,258 --> 00:14:29,999
I'd love to,
but I'm actually out

341
00:14:30,086 --> 00:14:31,740
with some friends
right now.

342
00:14:31,827 --> 00:14:33,133
You're not
in the apartment?

343
00:14:33,220 --> 00:14:34,264
No, we're on
the same schedule.

344
00:14:34,351 --> 00:14:36,092
If you're not there,
I'm not there.

345
00:14:36,179 --> 00:14:38,007
When you're there,
I'm there.

346
00:14:38,094 --> 00:14:39,530
Okay,
just shut up, listen.

347
00:14:39,617 --> 00:14:43,099
If you do this for me
right now, I'm gonna...

348
00:14:43,186 --> 00:14:46,363
I will buy you a Costco
rotisserie chicken.

349
00:14:46,450 --> 00:14:48,191
Uh, sold.

350
00:14:48,278 --> 00:14:49,540
I'll head over as soon
as I finish my mimosa.

351
00:14:49,627 --> 00:14:51,586
Okay.

352
00:14:51,673 --> 00:14:52,979
Jesus Christ.

353
00:14:56,373 --> 00:14:57,766
Hi.

354
00:14:57,853 --> 00:14:59,289
Oh, my God, Judith.

355
00:14:59,376 --> 00:15:01,291
We induced vomiting,
he's gonna be fine.

356
00:15:01,378 --> 00:15:02,379
He?Yeah.

357
00:15:02,466 --> 00:15:03,903
Oh, my God.

358
00:15:03,990 --> 00:15:05,513
I looked for
his dick forever.

359
00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:07,297
All that hair.

360
00:15:07,384 --> 00:15:09,996
Well, he's probably
stressed from the day.

361
00:15:10,083 --> 00:15:11,649
Do you guys
have dog Xanax?

362
00:15:11,736 --> 00:15:13,521
For him, Judith Light.

363
00:15:13,608 --> 00:15:15,305
We do, but I don't think
it's necessary.Cool.

364
00:15:15,392 --> 00:15:17,699
If I wrapped it up in a piece
of cheese for him to eat

365
00:15:17,786 --> 00:15:20,876
and then I accidentally
swallowed that piece of cheese,

366
00:15:20,963 --> 00:15:24,140
would I die or
be like, super chill?

367
00:15:24,227 --> 00:15:26,229
I'm not going to prescribe
you dog Xanax.

368
00:15:26,316 --> 00:15:27,796
Oh, no.

369
00:15:27,883 --> 00:15:28,753
No, I didn't mean--No.

370
00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:31,452
I see how--
No, no, no.

371
00:15:31,539 --> 00:15:32,583
Cool.

372
00:15:32,670 --> 00:15:35,195
One last quick "Q."

373
00:15:35,282 --> 00:15:38,372
Um, are human hemorrhoids
the same as dog hemorrhoids,

374
00:15:38,459 --> 00:15:41,766
and if so, does dog
hemorrhoid cream work

375
00:15:41,853 --> 00:15:44,030
on human buttholes?

376
00:15:48,251 --> 00:15:49,731
No.

377
00:15:53,256 --> 00:15:55,258
Yeah, I got here
as soon as I could.

378
00:15:55,345 --> 00:15:57,086
How did you get a cab
to come here?

379
00:15:57,173 --> 00:15:59,741
The Whitestone Bridge
is right over there.

380
00:15:59,828 --> 00:16:01,308
Okay, come on, let's go.

381
00:16:01,395 --> 00:16:05,007
Do you have 70 bucks
to pay the driver?

382
00:16:05,094 --> 00:16:07,488
Remember, you're my husband,
Jeremy Santos.

383
00:16:07,575 --> 00:16:09,577
Right. Got it.

384
00:16:09,664 --> 00:16:13,537
I'm not your roommate's
boyfriend, I'm your husband.

385
00:16:13,624 --> 00:16:14,799
Don't worry.

386
00:16:14,886 --> 00:16:16,192
I'll do it good.Okay.

387
00:16:16,279 --> 00:16:22,546
But don't tell Melody.Tell Melody what?

388
00:16:22,633 --> 00:16:26,550
Oh, God.

389
00:16:26,637 --> 00:16:29,118
That was, uh, great...

390
00:16:29,205 --> 00:16:31,077
that was a great kiss
from my husband.

391
00:16:31,164 --> 00:16:32,600
Garol, hi.

392
00:16:32,687 --> 00:16:35,907
So this is Jeremy, my husband
I told you about earlier.

393
00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:38,954
You're Jeremy Santos.

394
00:16:39,041 --> 00:16:44,699
No, I'm Matty Bevers.

395
00:16:44,786 --> 00:16:46,353
No, Abbi, don't!

396
00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:48,398
No, no, no, I'm gonna
lose a flip flop!

397
00:16:48,485 --> 00:16:50,661
[Bevers]
No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no.

398
00:16:50,748 --> 00:16:51,532
No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no.

399
00:16:51,619 --> 00:16:54,187
No, no, no, no!

400
00:16:54,274 --> 00:16:58,365
Chicken!

401
00:17:01,716 --> 00:17:03,413
Oh... hey.

402
00:17:03,500 --> 00:17:05,850
You know, it's really not cool
to have such a big dog

403
00:17:05,937 --> 00:17:07,417
in such a
tiny apartment all day.

404
00:17:07,504 --> 00:17:09,637
It's irresponsible,
to tell you the truth.

405
00:17:09,724 --> 00:17:11,595
That is not my dog.Hmm?

406
00:17:11,682 --> 00:17:14,033
My dog is a teacup Yorkie
named Cherish.

407
00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:17,819
Where is Cherish?Huh, right.

408
00:17:17,906 --> 00:17:20,430
If the Yorkie belongs here, then
the retriever should have gone

409
00:17:20,517 --> 00:17:25,696
to the place
above the liquor store.

410
00:17:25,783 --> 00:17:26,828
I see what I did.

411
00:17:26,915 --> 00:17:28,308
This is so me, dude.

412
00:17:28,395 --> 00:17:30,527
All the dogs
are off by one.

413
00:17:30,614 --> 00:17:31,789
Oh, my God.

414
00:17:31,876 --> 00:17:33,487
The Chihuahua should
be the in the loft.

415
00:17:33,574 --> 00:17:36,577
Which means you should be
in Chinatown, Judith Light.

416
00:17:36,664 --> 00:17:37,795
Oh, man.

417
00:17:37,882 --> 00:17:39,623
No worries, dude,
Cherish is totally fine.

418
00:17:39,710 --> 00:17:41,799
She's just in a tenement
building on Avenue D.

419
00:17:41,886 --> 00:17:46,021
I'll have her back in one...
closer to three hours.

420
00:17:47,675 --> 00:17:50,199
Cherish!

421
00:17:53,942 --> 00:17:55,422
No, Mom, it was good.

422
00:17:55,509 --> 00:17:57,032
Yeah, it was good.

423
00:17:57,119 --> 00:18:00,427
I actually drew today,
all day.

424
00:18:00,514 --> 00:18:02,037
I gotta go--
I love you.

425
00:18:02,124 --> 00:18:04,387
Okay, talk to you later,
bye.

426
00:18:04,474 --> 00:18:05,997
Abbi, it's fine.

427
00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:07,564
I just think
you owe me an apology.

428
00:18:07,651 --> 00:18:10,132
Are you kidding me?
You owe me an apology.

429
00:18:10,219 --> 00:18:12,743
Well, you did ruin
a perfectly good chicken.

430
00:18:12,830 --> 00:18:14,789
It's a rotisserie chicken.

431
00:18:14,876 --> 00:18:17,052
You can get one anywhere.What does it matter
how it's prepared?

432
00:18:17,139 --> 00:18:18,488
You know what, Bevers?

433
00:18:18,575 --> 00:18:19,881
You need to like,
just shut up right now

434
00:18:19,968 --> 00:18:21,317
because I can't even
handle this.

435
00:18:21,404 --> 00:18:23,928
You got me to commit
a federal offense today.

436
00:18:24,015 --> 00:18:27,149
We borrowed neighbor's mail
to go get a neighbor's package.

437
00:18:27,236 --> 00:18:28,498
You were not a good kisser.

438
00:18:28,585 --> 00:18:30,674
You messed up
my entire thing today.

439
00:18:30,761 --> 00:18:33,155
I think we should talk.We're talking right now.

440
00:18:33,242 --> 00:18:35,244
[knocking]I think what needs to happen
is you need to go home

441
00:18:35,331 --> 00:18:37,333
'cause you
don't live here.What?

442
00:18:37,420 --> 00:18:39,292
[knocking continues]You need to grab all
your little flip flops

443
00:18:39,379 --> 00:18:40,945
and all your socks
and you need to get out.

444
00:18:41,032 --> 00:18:42,556
[knocking continues]

445
00:18:42,643 --> 00:18:44,645
Jesus, what?

446
00:18:44,732 --> 00:18:46,473
Whoa.Jeremy.

447
00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:47,909
Okay, I don't
have the package.

448
00:18:47,996 --> 00:18:49,606
I don't have it.

449
00:18:49,693 --> 00:18:51,304
They came here and then
I wasn't here and then

450
00:18:51,391 --> 00:18:52,870
I had to go to
the island to get it

451
00:18:52,957 --> 00:18:54,524
and there was this woman there
and she was eating all this

452
00:18:54,611 --> 00:18:56,265
yogurt and she
wouldn't give it to me 'cause

453
00:18:56,352 --> 00:18:57,658
I didn't have your ID.Whoa, whoa, hey, hey.

454
00:18:57,745 --> 00:19:00,095
I don't have
an ID of yours.It's okay.

455
00:19:00,182 --> 00:19:01,314
I'm sorry.It's not her fault.

456
00:19:01,401 --> 00:19:02,619
It's mine.

457
00:19:02,706 --> 00:19:04,795
I didn't get the door
when the delivery came.

458
00:19:04,882 --> 00:19:07,972
Abbi actually tried really hard
to get your package today.

459
00:19:08,059 --> 00:19:09,713
Abbi, I didn't mean for you
to go through so much trouble.

460
00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:11,193
It's no big deal.

461
00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:14,153
Listen, man, I'm going to
be here all day tomorrow

462
00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:15,937
and the day after that,
all day.

463
00:19:16,024 --> 00:19:18,157
Day after that, all day.

464
00:19:18,244 --> 00:19:20,550
So I can sign for
your package, no problem.

465
00:19:20,637 --> 00:19:22,683
Fantastic, man,
I appreciate that.

466
00:19:22,770 --> 00:19:25,729
I owe you dinner, okay?Oh, you don't--
Yeah, okay.

467
00:19:25,816 --> 00:19:28,776
It'll be fun.I got a lot of planks
I gotta unload, so...

468
00:19:28,863 --> 00:19:30,038
All right.But I'll see
you guys later?

469
00:19:30,125 --> 00:19:30,865
Yeah.Okay.

470
00:19:30,952 --> 00:19:34,477
Just whenever.

471
00:19:34,564 --> 00:19:36,566
[farting]

472
00:19:36,653 --> 00:19:38,089
I thought
he would never leave.

473
00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:39,787
Ooh.[farting]

474
00:19:39,874 --> 00:19:42,790
Ooh, ooh, ooh.

475
00:19:42,877 --> 00:19:45,140
Thank God you got this
toilet paper, Abbi.

476
00:19:45,227 --> 00:19:47,142
Ooh...[farting]

477
00:19:47,229 --> 00:19:49,710
Oh, I totally
missed, Abbi!

478
00:19:49,797 --> 00:19:51,364
[laughing]
Oh!

479
00:19:55,150 --> 00:19:56,630
The graphics are sick.

480
00:19:56,717 --> 00:19:58,284
You can really see like,
the life

481
00:19:58,371 --> 00:20:00,851
drain out of the guy's
eyes-- It's pretty cool.

482
00:20:00,938 --> 00:20:02,940
I'd love to come over
and play sometime.I wish.

483
00:20:03,027 --> 00:20:05,639
Abbi really doesn't like it
when I have friends over.

484
00:20:05,726 --> 00:20:07,902
I'll come to your place?Absolutely.

485
00:20:07,989 --> 00:20:09,904
I'll make my special
rotisserie chicken.

486
00:20:09,991 --> 00:20:11,688
21 seasonings salute.

487
00:20:11,775 --> 00:20:13,168
Dude.

488
00:20:13,255 --> 00:20:14,561
How are you still single?

489
00:20:14,648 --> 00:20:17,128
It's just hard to meet
girls in this city.

490
00:20:17,216 --> 00:20:22,090
Dude, you gotta know
someone you can set me up with.

491
00:20:22,177 --> 00:20:25,833
You know what?

492
00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:28,444
No, I don't.

493
00:20:28,531 --> 00:20:33,188
Sorry.

494
00:20:33,275 --> 00:20:36,322
So this mole has grown like, 10
times bigger in the last year.

495
00:20:36,409 --> 00:20:38,324
Should I be worried?Please.

496
00:20:38,411 --> 00:20:40,543
There's a cat I need
to put to sleep.

497
00:20:40,630 --> 00:20:42,328
Okay, but could you just
touch it really quickly?

498
00:20:42,415 --> 00:20:44,068
[beeping]Am I thin?

499
00:20:44,155 --> 00:20:45,548
Like, for a dog?

500
00:20:45,635 --> 00:20:47,942
[beeping]Well, the cat's dead.

501
00:20:48,029 --> 00:20:49,509
Let's do this.

502
00:20:49,596 --> 00:20:51,815
Wow, these hemorrhoids
really are bad.

503
00:20:51,902 --> 00:20:53,077
I know.

504
00:20:53,164 --> 00:20:54,731
I spend way too much
time on the toilet.

505
00:20:54,818 --> 00:20:56,342
Thanks.

506
00:20:56,429 --> 00:20:57,430
You know, I just can't
even control myself.

507
00:20:57,517 --> 00:20:59,170
Well, this should
do the trick.

508
00:20:59,258 --> 00:21:00,737
Now remember,
no scratching.

509
00:21:00,824 --> 00:21:02,652
Thanks again.

510
00:21:12,445 --> 00:21:15,274
Ugh...

511
00:21:18,929 --> 00:21:21,018
Oh God.

512
00:21:21,105 --> 00:21:23,543
[exhaling]

513
00:21:24,587 --> 00:21:26,763
[exhaling]